I went to see linds for a few hours in the Hospital again today. Its so hard for me to not ask questions and pick her brain. But i know she gets that enough from everyone else, and i also know im someone she can count on to listen to her talk about anything and everything without being picked apart. I love her. I dont want to loose her. But if i knew she would be happier with the freedom of dying. I would try to learn to live with it. Those words just make me want to cry all over again. Its so hard for me to see her this way. I cant get my mind around how someone can come to a point like this.
I was kicked out after visiting hours and took a stroll outside of the hospital. To my surprise, the sun was setting. The colors of pink on the horizon were enough to make me cry. I walked to the edge of the resevoir and prayed. It was an honest prayer.
I had planned to meet with Dom and sam afterwards for a cup o' tea. But instead i went home and shot some hoop's at the school. Im finding myself enjoying being alone more and more. its great, but i feel like im letting my friends down. ?
Corey was in Banff today with Amanda and chAbby. He proposed!
I was so proud of him and so happy. We talked for a bit tonight and he's so excited to move out and start his life as a husband and father. It fills me with so much joy, but i still hurt. I dont know why, but it wont go away.
I miss him so much. My little brother.
Tomorow i promised lindsay i would bring my guitar in so we could sing together.
-D
I almost forgot! Oma and I are making some serious dutch goodies tomorow. IM STOKED!